HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY?!?

So today is Women’s day! But why just a day? Maybe just like everything we agreed to adjust because that’s our duty! Trust me if you do not understand the sarcasm in that last line you need to check your thinking! It is pretty old! And you can upgrade it but for that the brain needs to work! No offense to anyone and certainly not to the male community! It’s just pure anger that is boiling inside me since I started thinking about the fakeness of women’s day celebration. I am a woman and trust me we don’t need a day. Just treat us a little bit better everyday! Maybe like an equal human! And many men try to do that these days and we appreciate it more than anything!

While I got into overthinking mode, I realised that Women’s Day is an international version of Indian Festival: Navratri! Because these are the days when most people SHOW that they respect women. But in reality you do hear at least one saying something like, everyday is yours or you run the world! The only person who actually believes that is Beyonce (because it’s her song)! Oh wait no! Person who runs the world got Beyonce to perform for his daughter’s wedding (Surname starts with ‘A’)! Or At Least person who runs India!

And the colour they have chosen to define our gender! Today the world turns pink! Because that’s the only color women like?! Why pink? And who decided that? Well I googled it and turns out that it’s actually a thing tossed by Gender Reveal Industry! Another business thing and why am I not surprised at all! They cannot pick more women executives without a law being enforced but they get to pick a color for us!

Also the messages we receive wishing us ‘Happy Women’s Day!’ Trust me even if you spend half of the energy in stopping at least one patriarchal  act at your home it would actually make a difference! But alas! You have to agree, there is no equality if at every stage a woman has to listen to advice like go for a certain career, or do not take night shift, get married at proper age, have children at proper age and what not! Doesn’t that list have all the important decisions of a person’s life? Shouldn’t it be; choose a career you like, do the job that gives justice to your talent and ambitions, marry when you find someone you want to marry, have children if you want to or there are other options! I mean I find it hypocritical that you think a woman who is mature enough to marry or raise a child is not mature enough to choose a partner or to decide when to have a child!!! Isn’t raising a child harder than deciding to have it or not!! But let’s stop because I can write pages about it and it won’t change anything! 

And by the time you come to this point you have probably made your mind that I am feminist! But I never considered myself one! I think every gender is equal emotionally. But when it comes to physical endurance, women are superior! I mean growing another body and then it literally bringing it out of you seems bloody & painful! Other than that, every gender is equal and should have equal rights! Well we should but the reality is quite different! This time I do want everyone to see the bigger picture. Yes, I am PRIVILEGED and I am GRATEFUL for that! But it is not just about me, and call this a woke opinion if you want but many don’t get to speak in front of the so called dominant gender forget getting proper education or having a career or marrying someone they love. 

If we decide to tell just the history of women and their progress, as a bigger picture not much has changed and that is disappointing. But on a smaller scale we are drawing our picture passionately. And I hope, one day, even on a larger scale, the painting will be as glorious as the experience of being a woman is. And I do think the men can help us to paint that glorious picture. All they have to do is think, ‘would I be okay if someone did this to me or someone said it to me’. It is as simple as that! Treat others the way you want to be treated. Afterall we cannot survive without one another then why not celebrate each other the best way we can rather than celebrating just one day!

I started writing this blog with a lot of anger but now that I have finished writing it, I am at peace and hopeful just like in the picture! And I want it to give some hope to others as well!

New Normal and May Be Not So Normal Future.

Last Tuesday my mother tested positive for Covid-19. And like many families our isolation normal started. It sucks! Not being able to comfort someone who is going to something like this is the most discomforting situation any normal human being can be. But we have a bedridden super senior citizen so we couldn’t afford to get all infected and be together. Hence isolation was important.  And hence just like million families around the world, we were separated while being in the same house. But the home was intact!

The thing about this new normal is that we actually get to know how much women of the house works. And this is when I am used to doing household work for few days. But doing something regularly gives you a real outlook about it. When I say I am used to doing household work, I mean max for 8 days. So 15 days were like eye opener to so many things.

And, I want to start by stating this, “I know why women are paranoid about having certain things in certain ways!” And I find this to be the psychological breakthrough! So imagine, for a project you have done all the research, analysis and found a perfect way to present it. And you have been doing it successfully for many years. But suddenly a colleague comes in and says, it would be better if we present it in different way. Now there you are, knowing that it would not make sense to client if you change the way of presentation and it would ruin all your efforts what would you do?!? So all the work women do is like your project research and analysis and basically you are being that stupid colleague. You are smart enough to figure out the rest.

Men of the house are usually sweet and do want to help in every way they can, but mostly they are like that colleague I mentioned above. So to avoid the rework we do things ourselves. Now, many may say that we can tell the men how to do the work. But the colleague is smart and wants to do his own research and that is again rework for us. And not to mention the patience you will need while training is enormous and patience is in short supply in crises mode. So the best help is, to do exactly like you are told to and it if you want, just pray that it will be over soon.

Now since patience is being mentioned, I cannot thank my mom enough for having very high level of patience while dealing with me. I mean if I was my mom and my child was doing exactly the opposite EVERY FUCKING TIME, I would have lost it every single day. And by the time the child is of my age I would have been in some mental institute. I am too much to handle. But that is okay because the good thing is my I get that from my parents. It’s just that now, I somehow know, how difficult it is to handle people who don’t fully appreciate your efforts but you have to keep doing things for them on DAILY BASIS!

And lastly it broke a certain image I had of myself. I have always thought that I am too good at taking care of people. And I have somehow always considered that I’ll be a good partner or mother because of that. But last 15 days shattered that self image. Because I realised, I can only take care of others, if I take care of myself, do the work that I love and have enough time to process what is happening around me. In last 15 days I did manage to moderately take care of myself. But I barely had time for other two things. I couldn’t do the things that I love (probably still way to go for learning time management) and neither could I process what is happening around me. And after a while, when I was able to process all the things, it was clear to me: Whatever I want to be in future I have to start by being happy. Not be good for someone or for something but just be me. Do what I love regularly. Even if it means waking up early or staying up late. Because it will give me mental peace, which can help me to take care of myself and henceforth of others.

There is difference between knowing something and understanding something. I knew that you can care for other people only if you care for yourself. But Now I understand that notion on whole different level. Now I know that self care is something you do to keep your mind peace. It could be different things for different people. But unless and until we do self care we cannot care for the world. You are the epicenter of your world. If the peace cannot be found within you, you cannot let others live in peace. So find your own peace. And God! That is going to take time!

A web finer than spider’s!

A little friend

A Loop of Reassurance

Today I read a book called ‘Cobalt Blue’ written by Sachin Kundalkar. The one protagonist was repeating sentences in his narrative of events. I found that poetic. Starting and ending the paragraphs or a point with same line. It kind of keeps that line lingering, keeping you in a loop and turning it into a trance. It was beautiful. It made me wonder what a book can make you feel.

I loved the book to an extend that I decided to read every single page of that book including dedications, writer’s note and even translator’s note. There I found a reference to these poetic repetition. According to the translator the protagonist repeats the line because he wants to reassure himself of everything that has happened to him is real & not a dream.

That does make sense, because that’s what we do, when we want to make sure that we meant something to someone or that what we did was right. This was something I knew, but reading it in translator’s note, after a beautiful novel made more sense.

We all are beautiful tragedies trying to make sense of everything we go through, while hoping that we meant something to someone, who meant the world to us. Reflecting on choices we made, actions we took were wrong or right. But Emphasizing a bit consciously on it being right. Because that might be the only way you will survive the beautiful tragedy that you are.

While I was thinking of this, a classic thing happened. The thing when you read something and that actually happens. May be not in exact same manner but in a similar fashion. I saw my grandmother reassuring herself, while having a conversation with my mother, about something that happened around 15 years ago. I tried to remember who else do this, and guess what, most of the people I know do this. Even I do this. While conversing with someone, we reflect on our own actions. Trying to prove them right or saying things like, whatever happens, happens for the best.

And at that point I started wondering, how did the writer noticed that on his own? Or did he read something similar which lead him to this observation of human behaviour? Just like his book lead me to this blog.

ज़ंग

The poem is dedicated to the CRPF personnel who died in todays cruel and inhuman attack in Kashmir. I don’t expect a perfect peace in the world due to its complex nature of humans. But this kind of attacks shouldn’t have any place in any society. If you know the pain of losing someone close to you, you would never want anyone else to feel the same way, let alone be the reason for the same.

ये कैसी जन्नत हैं, जिसके दरवाजे दुसरोंके खुनसे खुलते हैं।
ये कैसा ईमान हैं, जो किसीके आसुओंसे बनता है।।
ये कैसा खुदा हैं, जो इंसानियतका कत्ल करने को कहता हैं।
ये कैसी ज़ंग हैं, जिसमें बिना लढें मासूम शहिद होता है।।

A Walk to Remember

For some reason I have become a couch potato barely going out. But yesterday my mother asked me to get something from grocery store, so had to go out. And suddenly the lost love was found. I was reminiscing about all the beautiful walks I have ever had.

Have you ever done something after ages and wondered how can you not do such important thing regularly? It may be a small, insignificant thing to consider but has a big impact on your overall routine and mood. Well, I had a walk after what seemed like ages.

I don’t know if this happens with anyone else, but when I walk, all I can notice is the road, trees, sky, sun, moon, birds and no human beings. I know they are around me but mostly they are blurred. Many I time my friends have complained that I ignored them at certain point, but the truth is I never noticed them to recognise them. And people find that super odd. May be that’s the reason I love to walk. The world exists only if you want it to exist.

I am both traditional walker and modern walker. Depending upon the mood I decide to which one I want to be in that exact moment. If I want to have a nice long stroll with someone or if I want to notice people, I switch to traditional mood. One important specification of this walk is that you walk without earplugs. The only music you enjoy is music of human race. I have meet quite interesting people while having traditional walks, like an elderly man who has a major illness, which makes it difficult for him to walk but still he walks everyday for an hour. And countless cute babies! Moms always love to take their babies for nice stroll. And its a treat for you. On the other hand the modern walk, with music and just yourself. I remember walking home, everyday, for 3 years, just because it was much needed solitude between hectic and not so satisfying office and home. There is no comparison, both of them are must have kind of walks.

And then there are seasonal walks. Summer, rainy and winter, each season has its own speciality.

In summer, The blossoming trees and smell of unripe green mangoes in daytime and mesmerizing smell of Mogra and Ratrani at night time makes your day. And clear skies only adds to its beauty.

The rainy walks are my favourite. No words can describe the happy feeling of walking in the rain. The smell of soil and trees after the rain; walking on the roadsides, in the middle of the flowing water streams and doing all the childish things one can imagine, is the best part of any year, no matter how depressing the year was, these moments are always happy moments.

And then winter walks are all about the beautiful clouds and under that trees shading leaves, making way for new ones and cold but pleasant weather.

It doesn’t matter if its morning or evening a walk will always lift your mood and make you forget about you problems, may be that’s why when people are frustrated or angry they take a walk. It has a weird calming effect on you. You start to notice the beauty around the you instead of your problem or you think only about your problem but in somewhat positive way, may be that’s why it is so useful.

A walk can help you to get to know a person or to get over a person; it will give you opportunity to be close to someone or to be close to yourself. And a walk on street with yellow light is always recommended to make yourself pretty again and to solve all your life problems.

 

Oh Mirror! Show me the old me.

Have you ever found your old phone or laptop, which is in working condition but you just decided to get upgraded? Well if you have then you know, you just don’t find your old phone, you find your old self. I found one such device today. And God! Now I am thinking I am some alter ego of that girl. And my alter ego sucks! BIG TIME.

It is hard to admit that you have changed. I for example would tell everyone that I am -the same person I was 7-8 years ago and to be honest I used to believe that! Until today. when you find such device, its not just photos, its music (it was a memory card era) and a lot of messages and in a way the person used to be. Its like these devices are our mirro.

To start with photos, I loved myself more than I do know. Back then I used click many pictures of myself and Now a days I hardly click solo pics. And I had short hair, which seems like impossible now. I bet then me wouldn’t have thought much about growing it back and how difficult that would be. Then me would have just gone and have had a hair cut because I wanted to. And I guess its same with all the other decisions of my life.

Next aspect I explored was the music. I had a good taste in music and the most important thing is that I was open to new music. Now I just listen to few songs over and over again. No newness. No wonder my life sucks now. How come what I understood 7-8 years ago, is now something very hard to comprehend?

And when I come to messages, I was shell shocked. The current me won’t even talk to my best friend the way I used to talk to strangers. The openness and the faith I had in world is lost and I guess so is part of me.

So am I really changed? If I say no, the I would be lying to myself. But I am changed 100%? Or am I a ship of Theseus in making? If I say only my perspective has changed (for worse certainly) doesn’t it mean my thinking has changed because, only thinking can change your prospective towards life. But if my thinking has changed, that means so am I. Because you are what you think.

Life as you want it…

have been a individualism fan since I remember. I am not saying the kind of individualism that is selfish and only wants destruction, rather the kind which will fight for what they want with all the ethics (not the one that society approves but the ones that your consciousness allows.)

I have always believed that an individual has a right to decide how he wants to live his life. I also believe that a society can progress better under individualism rather than socialism. A society needs more people who are able to think for themselves rather than few people thinking for everyone. People ought to know what is good for them, rather than thinking about everyone. Living for yourself also translates into giving society more. Not because you are trying to give society something but, being true to yourself means creating something wonderful, something long lasting.

I think socialism is a way of controlling people. It makes you handicap, emotionally as well as mentally. You are dependent on other people for your decisions. You cannot tell what’s good for you, for that also you need those socialists around you; to assure you of your choices.

But recently I experienced something very disturbing. I saw someone trying to be a individualistic without accepting all the responsibilities of being one. When I said mentally dependant I meant like this. It is not easy to be an individualistic, because not many people can bear the burden of their own decisions. People always try to find other people to blame. But if you are an individualistic you have to carry that burden till you die. There is no escape. And to be honest if you are a individualistic person, you won’t have it any other way.

This experience also made me think about the one aspect I had not considered. The impact of your decision on your loved ones. Your ideal life may differ from that of your loved once, causing a problems in your relationships. There are always some people you care about. Mostly blood relatives, because you choose your own friend and your life partner and 99% times they support your choices no matter what. And mostly you do insane things for these blood relatives. A person who is trying to be an individualistic he has to accept that he cannot please everyone and he doesn’t have to do insane things to prove his love. Then again handling these problem sensitively is equally important, otherwise you lose the person.

Another Striking quality you find in individualistic person is logic. Logic is like breathing for these people. It is very difficult for individualistic person to comprehend the things which lacks the logic. So when he talks to people, he expects them to be logical. If the logic is missing it is very difficult for him to understand things and thus helping people. At some point he has to accept that, in certain cases he wont be able to help people he loves. Most of the time, because of this attitude, he is considered as an heartless person, but in reality they are the once who care more than most of the people and yet they understand it they cannot control everything and they cannot take other’s decision. It’s okay to be misunderstood, if you are true to yourself. And nothing beats that satisfaction!

What we are going to take away?

We always try to look at things, with fog of negativity. Everything we learn, everything we see, is a direct filter of our suffering. Everybody is suffering from something or someone, it is a never-ending cycle. And almost every time, we miss the point. Yes, we are suffering right now, but the future we create, may have a different picture.

It is like, every person you meet, or every person you leave behind, teaches you an important lesson of what you want in your life. Some give us the gift of appreciating others, while others teach you to avoid certain things in life. And yet we never realize, having those bad experiences in our life, makes us the person that we are. Generally, a person is measured in terms of black and white; but there is a shade for every situation in his life which alters is thinking and actions.

We have so many stories to support this! First one is of Hitler. In his childhood he had some bad experiences with Jewish people, later that turned him into a menace he was. He could have learnt his lesson and instead of torturing, he could have been good to everyone when he was in power, so that no one would feel what he felt. But as we all know he choose revenge over forgiveness.

King Ashoka was devastated after his brothers tried to kill him, his loved ones were killed while protecting him. He also went on a revenge spree which concluded with the Kalinga war, killing more than 3,00,000 people. And that massacre made him realize, you cannot heal your wounds, with other’s flesh. His change of heart made him one of the best kings, in the world known to mankind.

My personal favorite is of Karna. Pandavas treated him badly but Duroudhana treated him as a friend (for whatever reasons may be, those reasons were unknown to Karna). He had seen what bias combined with power can do, and he wanted to change that. A bad experience inspired him to make a change. After knowing all the aspects of the story, we know he choose a wrong side. But can we say, the changes he made were bad?! He had every reason to dislike Pandavas, and make the change, which he did.

The basic reasons behind all these stories is that all these people were treated badly. Some learned from their feelings others choose not to. And the rest is history. Just because someone was bad to you, does not mean you must treat others in a same way. You can make sure, that others do not feel the same humiliation or misery.

Bad things happen to people all the time. The way we perceive it, decides our future and in some cases future of mankind. No one is good or bad. They are just reflections of what choices they have made. It is impossible to predict the outcome of the course you have chosen and the effect it could have on others. May be that is why the journey worth. It is totally up to you, what to take and what not to. But, I do want people to choose, love over hatred. The courage to maintain peace over fear. As you do not know, what effect your actions would have on people’s mind. Kindness is the solution to all the horrors we are facing now a day. Just a smile can convert someone’s bad day into a better one.